Practical Exercises for Success in Your Relationships
Episode 3 Excercise's
Reflective Exercise A: “Compassionate awareness of my emotional wounds.”
Instructions: Take 15–20 quiet minutes to go through the steps below. The goal is to help you sense the healing potential of compassionate self-awareness. Doing this work can help you move from reactive fight-or-flight (anger, shutdown, self-pity) to conscious, secure responses that protect your peace and open space for healing.
Step 1: Identify the triggering behaviors Write down 3–5 specific behaviors or words from your spouse that upset you the most in the past week or two. Be concrete (what they said or did, not interpretations yet). Examples:
“Raised voice and accused me of not caring when I came home late.”
“Criticized how I loaded the dishwasher in front of the kids.”
“Withdrew and gave me the silent treatment after I said I needed time with friends.”
Step 2: Name the painful feelings: Next to each behavior, write the feelings that flooded you when it happened. Choose from this list or add your own: anger ⋅ frustration ⋅ helplessness ⋅ shame ⋅ panic ⋅ sadness ⋅ loneliness ⋅ exhaustion ⋅ self-pity ⋅ fear ⋅ resentment Example: “Raised voice accusation → immediate anger + panic.”
Step 3: Dig to the Vulnerable Wound For each upsetting behavior, ask yourself quietly: “What does this moment make me afraid is true about me, about my spouse, or about our future?” Write 1–2 sentences. Common deeper wounds include:
Fear of abandonment (“They’ll leave me”)
Fear of being unlovable (“I’m not enough”)
Fear of failure (“I’m a bad partner/parent”)
Shattered dream (“We’ll never have the warm, connected family I longed for”) Example: “When accused of not caring → I’m terrified that deep down I really am inadequate and will end up alone.”
Step 4: Sum Up the Sad Core in One or Two Sentences Turn the wound into a short, gentle statement that captures the heartbreaking truth this trigger touches. Start with “The really sad feeling underneath is…” or “The dream that feels shattered is…” Examples:
“The really sad feeling underneath is that no matter how hard I try, I’ll never be enough for the person I love most.”
“The dream that feels shattered is the hope of coming home to someone who is glad to see me and proud to be my partner.”
Step 5: Close with Self-Compassion End by writing one kind sentence to yourself as you would to a dear friend or child going through the same pain. Example: “It makes sense that this hurts so deeply—I’ve been carrying this hope for a long time, and it’s okay to grieve when it feels threatened.”
When you finish, take a slow breath and notice how naming the wound often softens the intensity of the trigger. Over time, this practice helps you pause in real moments and respond from secure love instead of old pain—protecting both your heart and the atmosphere at home
Here is the second exercise:
Reflective Exercise B: “What makes my marriage worth healing?”
Answer each question openly (write as much or as little as comes to mind):
What is one thing you still genuinely love, admire, or appreciate about your spouse today (even if it is hard to feel right now)? Examples: their kindness to others, sense of humor, dedication as a parent, intelligence, etc.
Looking back, what were the original qualities or moments that made you choose this person as your life partner—and which of those are still present in some form?
When do you and your spouse still work well together or enjoy each other's company (even small moments)? Examples: parenting decisions, shared hobbies, helping each other with tasks, quiet evenings, family traditions.
What shared values, dreams, or strengths as a couple or family keep you committed to making this work? Examples: faith, commitment to children, similar life goals, history together.
In the past, what has helped you get through tough moments together (even if it doesn't work as well now)? Examples: humor, talking in the early morning or late at night, support from family/friends, a shared activity.
What meaningful value is motivating you to try to rekindle love in your marriage?
Take a moment after answering to notice any warmth or hope that arises. These strengths are your foundation; they may feel buried, but they are rarely gone forever. We'll build on them throughout SUNRYZE.